Fat, Stupid, Lazy, Worthless

Oh, dear. I got on tonight due to a bout of insomnia and saw that I’ve had a few hits over the past week from searches about weight and body image issues. If you’re coming to this blog because you’re unhappy with your size, shape, or weight, let me stop you right here and tell you something: you are amazing. 

It doesn’t matter what you weigh, what size clothing you wear, or if you’re pear, apple, or zucchini shaped. You are the only you in the entire world, and THAT is pretty damn special. I’ve been a size 0, I’m now a size 12, and I’ve struggled with my weight since I was at least 5. I was told that I was too fat, too skinny, just needed to lose 5 more pounds, needed to gain just a little weight to fit into that dress…I hid myself under baggy clothes, wore long sleeves all summer to hide every inch possible, made excuses to avoid every pool party and beach trip. 

Why? What is the point?

When I was very thin I thought I was too fat. When I was average I thought I was obese. Now I AM obese, according to the BMI charts, and I have never been happier or healthier, and my doctor agrees.

These are the things you don’t hear: size is bullshit. Weight is bullshit. BMI is bullshit. All of the images you’re surrounded with are FAKE and only possible for a tiny percentage of the population. Sayings like, “Nothings tastes as good as skinny feels,” may be great for some people, but they aren’t universal truths. They’re no more than propaganda to shame you for who you are, what you eat, and how you look. Do you really want to live your life by the standards of people who encourage you to hate yourself? Learning confidence is HARD but it is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.

It sounds cliche, I know, but it’s true that the people who are important and worth having in your life are the ones who love and support you, not the ones who tear you down. If a person tells you that you have to do X to be beautiful, ignore them. You ARE beautiful. If someone tells you that no one will ever love you unless you lose weight, walk away. Love worth having is unconditional. If someone tries to say that they’re just worried about your health, know that you can tell NOTHING about a person by their size. Not their heart rate, blood pressure, bone density, lipid levels, cholesterol, intelligence, nothing. We’re increasingly understanding that BMI is NOT a reliable measure of health and shouldn’t be used as such. You can be fat and healthy, you can be skinny and unhealthy. The number on your scale or your tag is irrelevant. 

So I know this is long and rambling, forgive me. It’s a sleepless night. But please, please, please remember, as you look for information or reassurance, that you should live for yourself and not to please others. If you want to lose weight, go for it. You can. It can be really hard, but it’s possible. If you’re happy but people around you want you to change, do what you feel is best for you. Go to the gym, eat the pizza, whatever makes you happy. 

And know, whoever you are, whatever you do, that you are beautiful and valued and loved. 

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