http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/im-a-feminist-but-i-dont-eat-pussy/

I am not saying that one has to enjoy giving oral to be a feminist. That would be silly and wrong. There is nothing that a person has to like or dislike in order to support equality for women. That said, I am going to tear this article apart.

1) Starting with “I’m a feminist, here is my proof, BUT” is not a good way to go. It’s pretty similar to “I’m not sexist, I have female friends.” That’s great. I am glad that you think women and men should be equal. So why do you have to and fuck it up with…

2) “But, just as I have bravely and selflessly recognized my own privilege, women must admit theirs: sexually, vaginas are not as good as penises.”

*facepalm* You haven’t “bravely and selflessly” done shit. A modicum of common sense or just a little bit of attention to the world around you will make you aware that you, as a man, have privilege. What you’re doing here is asking for women everywhere to pat you on the back and congratulate you for being less of an idiot than you could be. No. You’re using your “feminist” views to win points and make yourself look good. That’s not what feminism is about. Stop being a jackass.

A bit farther on you say that vaginas are “objectively gross”. I don’t think you quite get what that means. Objective: Not influenced by personal feelings or opinions in considering and representing facts. Your opining that vagina isn’t yummy is the direct opposite of that. Fail.

And, one more bit of fail in this quote, YOU FUCKING SHAME WOMEN FOR THEIR BODIES. That’s like Feminism 101 (okay, MAYBE 102): no body shaming!

3) This entire damn post is completely heteronormative. “They [vaginas] feel really good when your penis is inside of them. But what about when your penis isn’t inside of them?…men have it harder when it comes to giving oral sex.” Er, guess what? Women like pussy, too! And you don’t hear us whining about, “But it’s haaard!”

And you know what the purpose of the vagina is? To create a passage from the uterus to the outside world through which offspring can pass. We are not designed exclusively for your sexual enjoyment (but you’re a ‘feminist’ so you know that, right?). We are designed to reproduce and help continue the species. Sexual pleasure is a secondary benefit that encourages reproduction so that the main goal of species survival can be achieved.

And when your dick isn’t in a vag, why do you care what it feels like or what it’s doing? Seriously, that’s just kind of weird.

4) “Women are lucky. Dicks are neat. They’re self contained. The occasional bit of pre-ejaculate aside, they probably taste like flesh…”

Yeah, that your genitals are “neat” (whatever that means) totes makes up for, you know, all the inequality that women face on a daily basis. And, as someone with a LOT of dick tasting experience, I can assure you that they don’t taste like the rest of your body, especially after they’ve been crammed into your boxers or briefs all day, getting sweaty. And as to pre-ejaculatory fluid, there are guys who have a LOT of that. It’s like it’s fucking raining when you’re giving them a handjob, so no, it’s not always so clean and neat and dainty.

5) “Accept a dick into your mouth and you will please it. You will feel an instant surge of gratification as your partner’s meat silo stiffens with every longing lick and caress you apply to it.”

Are you fucking kidding me? No…just no. Not all men enjoy receiving oral sex. Putting someone’s penis in your mouth does not mean that they will like it or that they want it. This kind of “men always want sex” stereotyping is one of the things that leads to the idea that men can’t be raped. “But dude, you got some!” Yeah, that doesn’t mean he WANTED it. Not all men have orgasms from oral, so you’re managing to shame guys who don’t fit your norm, too. Wow.

And since when is giving head something that is supposed to gratify the giver? Am I supposed to adoringly thank my husband for letting me put his cock in my mouth? No. I am appreciative of my husband being turned on by me. I am not thankful that he gets an erection just thinking about me. I don’t go doe-eyed when he does me the “honor” of having increased blood flow to his penis. Wtf is that shit? Having sex with you (or anyone) is not a dream come true. Get over yourself.

5) “They [vaginas] are covered in hair. They ooze and slime– and that’s when you’re doing a good job! Which, frankly, isn’t often. Unlike the always responsive penis, your vagina simply doesn’t reward hard work. Eating pussy often feels like a difficult chore.”

Dicks are covered in hair, too. Pubes get long, so unless you keep them trimmed back you’re likely to get a face full when you go down on a guy. Dicks ooze, too. Hello, ejaculation. Vaginas are wet because we NEED lubricant. The outside of your dick isn’t slimy because our bodies provide the lube you need. You’re welcome for our nastiness that keeps your dick from getting chafed. So…it’s the woman’s fault that you can’t bring her to an orgasm? Okay, let’s be fair. Not all women can orgasm all of the time. It’s really annoying, trust me. But poor you 😦 She can’t cum and it’s SO inconvenient for you. *sad trombone* And, again, men are not “always responsive”. That’s why there’s Viagra; not all men can get or maintain erections. Not all men can orgasm. Stop perpetuating sex myths that don’t help anyone. This part may come as a surprise: but fucking in general feels like a chore sometimes. If you don’t want to have sex, don’t do it. But don’t try to make it into your partner’s fault for having the “wrong” genitalia.

6) “I can’t tell you how many times I have been giving an ex girlfriend oral sex– my mouth and nose mired in her musky goo, my neck and jaw sore from exertion– only to look up at her face and see my efforts rewarded with a look of disappointment and boredom. All this so she can put my penis in her mouth for the few seconds it takes me to cum? Hardly seems fair.”

This pretty much just tells me that you are crap in bed. Maybe you should work on your technique? It kind of sounds like the problem here is you…as to the few seconds it takes you to cum, well…yeah. That sounds like your issue, too. Perhaps you should ask your partners what they like or how you could please them better. It would be far more constructive (and mature) than deciding that women are icky and it’s all their fault.

7) “And, there’s also the matter of convenience. Not only are penises cleaner and taste better, they make having oral sex anywhere incredibly easy…for a man, all you have to do is expose your penis and someone can suck it. It doesn’t matter where you are it doesn’t matter who you are. You could be in your bedroom, or in a rural gas station.”

Actually, you can eat a girl out in a variety of positions. Sitting, standing, lying down, it’s not rocket science. I prefer to be on my back for maximum leverage and so I don’t fall down when my husband makes me cum, but that’s just me. As to where you are or who you’re with, that’s also not limited to men. Women have sex in places other than the bedroom. Bathrooms, cars, chairs, tables, countertops, movie theaters, parks…wherever our vagina is, there can we have sex. Was that not clear before?

8) “You could be with your girlfriend, or you could be the attendant of a rural gas station, taking advantage of an open minded 17 year old whose car has broken down on the drive home from his first semester at college.” 

I gave this it’s own bullet because I want to make it REALLY clear: “taking advantage” of someone is NOT okay. Using that phrase implies rape. Also, in quite a few states, 17 is below the age of consent. STATUTORY RAPE IS RAPE AND THAT IS NOT EVEN REMOTELY OKAY, WHAT THE FUCK?!

9) You also totally screwed up the anatomy. http://women.webmd.com/female-external-genitalia-vulva That might help.

10) Oh, yes. The ending. “There are so many good things about women: you are kind and gentle and caring and you give oral sex very well. But for women to want to receive oral sex when you know the strain it puts on men, is selfish and, frankly, discriminatory.”

So you reiterate your devout feminism and dedication to equality, then you go and pull shit like this. SOME women are kind and gentle and caring. Those are not traits that are inherent in women, or that are only found in women. If you’re such a good feminist, please stop reinforcing bullshit gender stereotypes and expectations. It’s really fucking annoying.

As to the issue of our selfishly wanting sexual satisfaction and fulfillment, dude, you’re just a fucking douche. I know very few men who don’t love eating a girl out. Those who don’t are totally cool! Everyone has their own sexual preferences and that’s great. But to assume that you speak for all men, and to express your personal distaste for oral in a way that insults women, shames us, and accuses us of oppressing men by having our own sexuality and not being afraid of it? Uh-uh. No way. Mr. Nutnot, my best advice for you, should you wish to avoid the awful, nasty, icky vag, is to spend the rest of your life simply fucking yourself.

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June 15, 2013 · 3:21 pm

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