Let’s talk about some annoying questions that are posed by straight and LGT folks to those of us who are bi.
“What is the first thing that attracted you to women?”
I dunno, what was the first thing that attracted YOU to women? Maybe it was my desire to be constantly asked stupid shit like, “Why do you like women?” or “If you like women why are you married to a man?” Perhaps it was the activist in me getting an early start on fucking with heteronormativity. Or maybe–just maybe–it’s my fucking sexuality and that is why I’m attracted to women.
“How many women have you had sex with?”
Normally I would just say “None of your fucking business,” but for the purposes of this post I’ll go for it. 0. I have never had sex with a woman.
“How do you know you like women if you’ve never had sex with them?”
The same way I knew I liked men before I had sex with one. The same way you knew who you were attracted to when you were still a virgin.
“But you’re married to a man.”
Yes. I fell in love with a man. If I had fallen in love with a woman I’d be married to her.
“Bisexuality isn’t real, you just can’t make up your mind.”
Uh, thanks. Pro-tip: I fucking exist so yeah, bisexuality is real. Telling people who they are, what they believe, or how they feel is really fucking obnoxious. Your lack of understanding of something does not negate its existence.
“Isn’t bi just what girls say so guys will want to have sex with them?”
No. No, it really isn’t.
“So do you have sex with anyone?”
No, I have sex with people I am attracted to and want to have sex with. That narrows down the field considerably. Hint: if you’re asking any of these questions, you’re probably not on that list.
“So you’re still in the closet.”
No. I came out a few years ago. I am very firmly out of the closet and open about my sexuality. I am physically and emotionally attracted to men and women.
“Do you prefer one over the other?”
Yes! This is one of the things I don’t think a lot of people understand about bisexuality. I prefer men to women. I really love penises. But I think women are beautiful and there are some women I would looove to be with, sexually and/or relationship-wise. I am more picky about women than men.
“It’s just a phase/you’re just experimenting.”
Yeah, no, I’m really not. Unless it’s a 24 year phase…no. It’s my sexuality, deal with it.
“You’re just a slut.”
Okay. Wait…is that supposed to be a bad thing? “You get sex!” YES. I consider that to be a pretty damn amazing thing! I do get sex! And I love it! Thank you for reminding me how great my life is 🙂
There you go. There are some common questions/statements I and some of my other bi friends have dealt with. Don’t like it? Don’t date someone who’s bi! Easy-peasy. Oh, and also stop fetishizing us. We’re not your fantasy. We aren’t going to jump into bed with you and/or your partner just because we’re bi.