“Real Men”

“Why Men Aren’t Really Men Anymore”

Let’s talk about this.

What is a “real man”? The Marlboro Man type? Someone muscular and rugged, who smokes the right brand of cigarettes, wears the pants in the relationship, brings home the bacon, and has rough, work-hardened hands?

How about Prince Charming? Dashing and debonair, well-dressed, educated, ready to rescue a damsel in distress at the drop of a hat?

Fact: the only “fake” man is one who is a fictional character. If you identify as a man, then you are a real man. But let’s address this in a bit more detail.

“It is no secret that both men and women alike have sexual urges. Men, however, feel the need to get off more often than most women.”
False. Some men are more sexual than women. Some women are more sexual than men. Not being constantly horny does NOT make a person less of a man. A man is not defined by their libido. Real men can be asexual, total horn-dogs, and everywhere in between.

“People now date online as well.”
Yes, they do. And successfully. Over 1/3 of recently married couples met online.  This article attributes it to the laziness of men, but obviously it’s working. The author calls these men “lazy pussies” but how the hell does he know what a person’s motivation is? I use online dating sites for my hook-ups, not because I’m lazy (but then I’m a woman so who knows what Hudson would say?) but because it’s easier and safer to screen potential partners that way, I’m not waiting for some chance encounter, and because I can more easily tell what someone wants. If anything, online dating is more time-intensive than the traditional method since many sites have member fees AND you’re actively looking instead of hoping for a fortuitous meeting in a bar.

“I don’t even want to use the word pussy because it brings to mind women, who nowadays have much more character than men.”
Men are like women now! And that is something they should definitely be ashamed of, ’cause women are weak, pathetic creatures. Or they were, but “nowadays” we’re okay. Look, fuckpop, there is nothing wrong with a man who is less masculine than you think is proper. Testosterone and machismo do not a “real man” make. Women have always had plenty of character, and men and women have always been equally awesome. If someone’s method of finding a mate makes you think less of them (and it’s a consensual search), that speaks more about YOU than them.

“Being focused on self-satisfaction will lead to nothing but broken relationships. Real men are not selfish. Real men are just as concerned for the feelings, needs and minds of women as they are for their own — not just women’s bodies and their sexual usefulness.”
I like how he switches between “pussies=women” and “we should respect women”. I’m a misogynist but I’ll try to make up for it later. Anyway. Men are human. Humans are selfish. If you’re interested in hooking-up and having one night stands, so what? Women do that, too. It’s not unmanly or wrong to pursue sexual satisfaction. There is nothing about being horny or sleeping around that implies a lack of respect for women, anymore than a woman having multiple partners implies a lack of self-respect. Yes, it is good to care for your partners and treat them well. No, you do not have to put them on a pedestal and make their needs higher than your own, especially if you’re just there for some casual sex. In a long-term, committed relationship, you and your partner(s) need to come to your own agreements about interpersonal relations. The traditional, chivalrous, idealization of women isn’t good for any gender. If you’re a man and you want to be put on that pedestal, that’s okay. If you’re a woman who wants to idolize your man, go for it. If you want to both be on equal footing, good for you. What is right for one is not right for all, so find the dynamic that works best for your situation.

“How can anyone call himself a man if the last time he had to confront another man…was before he hit puberty?”
Conflict is not all it’s cracked up to be. Why are we expecting men to be aggressive? Guys, it’s perfectly okay not to be. There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself or for something you believe in, but you are not obligated to be conflict-oriented. Some men are, some aren’t. The stereotype of men as violent, solving everything with a fight, Neanderthals is unfair and unhealthy. Let men be who they are without an expectation of bodily harm.

“It’s awful because women are becoming accustomed to such boys and believing that these pansies are all that is left of our sex. Some great women are settling for these fools and then finding that they themselves have no choice but to wear the pants in the family because their “man” is PMSing.”
Look, Hudson. Women are not fucking morons. We know who we’re dating. We can tell before we fall in love and settle down what a man’s personality is. If we don’t like it, we’ll move on. We aren’t skittish animals that are somehow trapped into a relationship with a man whose personality disgusts us, but who tames us to live in his gilded cage. We’re not canaries. We can find the door. And, shocker, a lot of women LIKE men who have emotions other than rage and disdain, men who don’t get into fights, men that we can have discussions with. Some women like “wearing the pants”. It’s 2013, honey. We’re kind of, like, accepting equality in our relationships these days, not expecting the man to care for us and be our saviors.

“Ladies… real men do exist; there aren’t many of us, but we’re survivors and will be around for a while. Come find us.”
Wait…weren’t you just whining about lazy men not going out and getting women? And now you’re saying, “Hey, you, woman, come find me.” Uh, no. Be your own “real man” and go chat a woman up at a bar. It’s only fair.

This article is a pretty perfect example of the crap that men have to deal with because of patriarchal, oppressive norms and expectations that dictate what it means to be a man. If you don’t fit into certain parameters you aren’t “really” a man. Instead of trying to force them into boxes, make them what outdated gender stereotypes say they should be, why don’t we try to accept that men are humans, diverse and varying in their attitudes, personalities, tastes, and behaviors. There is no “how to” book on being a man. It is exactly what each individual decides it should be, exactly who they are comfortable as.

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1 Comment

June 7, 2013 · 4:09 pm

One response to ““Real Men”

  1. Pingback: A real man | Meizac

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